mommy meltdown

{sweetpea}

most days i feel like i am at least doing a decent job at this whole mommy thing. "balance" is a word that gets thrown around alot and while i'm beginning to think it's a figment of my imagination as opposed to an obtainable reality, most of the time i feel like i'm doing alright in that department. between residency, time with emma and her daddy, and my own personal interests and hobbies i'd say on average things are in my favor. yesterday was NOT one of those days.

{a little bow intolerant these days}

{those lashes!!}

{yea....this happened}

we started the day at a women's brunch held by my friend Sara, mommy to Emma's BFF Carlee. these two princesses were born three weeks apart and Sara and I have watched them sprout up before our very eyes. it's always a blast getting the girls together. all the guests were asked to bring something and i did buuuuut, it was something i picked up at fresh market on. the WAY. to the party. oh my, who am i????? i had been so busy this week that i just hadn't gotten around to making something homemade and felt really rotten about it. strike one. sara's friendship has been very meaningful to me in a way i don't know that she realizes. first, i have no close friends who have kids. sure, i know people with children but no one i feel like i can talk about the mountain of good stuff but ALSO the handful of challenging, stinky, not-fun stuff. sara is one of those people and for that i am incredibly grateful. there is no pretending or face-saving with her and i love her for it.)

{best buddies!}

{this looks breakable. perfect}

{sara and the girls :)}

we headed out to grandma and grandpas for some snuggles....AND some mommy relief. emma may look like her dad but she has her mom's personality and for her age, this means A LOT of energy. on a regular day, great! on a day like yesterday (and add in my stupid busted foot), not so great. i needed some grandparent help in the worst way. my dad was doing his traditional holiday baking (i live for this family tradition). we sampled (and approved) every cookie and played with some kid-friendly low lying tree ornaments. later, emma got out some energy while i rested on the couch. my eyes felt like dead weights and my foot was really aching at this point. again, who am i???? kicking back on the couch while my 11 month old plays....great parenting. strike two.

{to DIE for}

{emma mommy shot}

by the time we got home it was time for the beanie to hit the hay. she's a great sleeper and has been for some time but last night was NOT her night. i think between the brunch and her grandparents she ate too much or at the very least something that settled wrong and she had a very rough night. we are totally spoiled at this point because we are sooooo used to her being a 12 hour a night sleeper that we were a little dumbfounded. we let her cry it out a bit but no luck. eventually i went in there and based on the sounds that were coming from her little bum, i knew her tummy was upset. we rocked and rocked and rocked and drank a little warm juice....and someone tooted to her hearts content (not me!).....and finally, over an hour later fell asleep soundly. until 1 am, followed by 4 am. poor little tooter. and i was frustrated....not at her but just generally. exhausted, in pain, and frustrated. strike three.

i woke this morning to the biggest grin you've ever seen and a heart melting hug from my beanie who had already made it out to the kitchen and was having breakfast with her daddy. i think sometimes, i like to envision myself as one of those make believe moms who "has it all together" and leads a "perfectly balanced" life. days like yesterday remind me that 1) this isn't true {not even close!!} and 2) even though it's not, i'm doing the very best i can every day to raise my beanie and enjoying the ride while i do it. and i get to do it with my BEST friend :) those two images above don't exist, they are merely figments of the imagination of a mommy who wants so badly to do right by her baby girl, by her hubby, and by herself.