crazybusyexhaustingfun. murphylife updates.

Sunday, April 28, 2013 | | 0 comments
a strange thing happened on friday.  i asked ryan to take the kids to school.  this has been my morning ritual for a long while now but on this particular day, i wanted to ride to work alone.  i wanted to be alone with my thoughts.  this is a phenomena that does not happen very often in this life of mine but on this particular day, i felt it important. necessary, even.

i drove to work in silence.  no music.  no squeals of laughter as a city bus drove by or questions about why the boy in the bike lane was not wearing a helmet.  just silence.  and quite unexpectedly, tears.  as i left our neighborhood and neared campus, my chin began to quiver and despite my attempts to hold back, i began to cry.  i decided to pull over and wept for nearly 5 minutes.

these tears were not ones of sadness....but ones of just raw emotion sprinkled with joy & gratitude.  drenched in the reminder of a day, one year ago, when life flashed before my eyes and everything that i knew was called into question (read about it here and here).  thankfully things turned out just fine, and one year later i'm as healthy as i have been in my life, although no less sleep deprived ;) what's more, that health scare came with quite the dose of perspective about what is truly and inherently important in my life.  the intensity of that perspective jolt has faded since my seizure scare but it will never leave me, and for that i will forever be grateful.  speaking of gratitude, since that day we are constantly talking about "what are you grateful for?" in this house and the answers always astound me.  it's magical to me the things we can find to be grateful for if we just stop and look.  life is full of the most amazing blessings....ones that are sometimes buried deep within a scary experience or a tragic turn of events.....but they are there if you just take the time to search for them.  so while i hope to never have another seizure again, i'm so thankful for that experience and the way it has changed my life.


life is chugging along quite busily in the murphy house.  ryan, as many of you know, started his own construction company not all that long ago and is deep in the throws of starting this dream business of his.  it's something he's wanted to do for so long and it makes me so happy to see him doing what he has worked his entire professional life to try and do.  it's been a long road that started a few years ago when he left a solid job at a large scale company here in town....a decision he made for a variety of reasons and came with it's own set of consequences.  ryan has the truest heart of anyone i've ever's one of the things i love the most about him....he always does what is right.  it may not feel good and it may not always be easy, but his sense of right and wrong is so on point and i am so proud of the character he has.  it has sometimes made it hard to be part of the construction industry....but this new move, one where he is at the sails, is an empowering one and i'm just so excited for how far he has come.  good things come to those who work their tails off :)

work for me has been quite busy lately.  i'm wrapping up my first year of fellowship and can easily say that this has been one of the most formative years of my professional career.  the last 6 months have been particularly rough....with good reason as i have really (and i mean REALLY) grappled with what exactly it is that i want to do when i'm done with all of this.  i'm in the 29th grade and rounding the corner, y''s hard for me to believe that in 2 short years, i won't be "in training" anymore.  hell, i've been in training for my entire life so it's a place i've grown quite accustomed to!!  i started this program with every intention of being an oncologist, a "cancer doctor".  much to my surprise....i've gravitated so strongly to the other portion of my training....hematology (bleeding, clotting, and other blood problems).  never in a million years did i expect this and i admit that i've wrestled hard with the feelings of excitement over this newfound passion.  i've fought it, i've cried over it, and now i have finally accepted it.  and it feels so good.  this thing found me, grabbed me up, and i'm super excited to move forward in fellowship on this career track.  it's funny how once you commit to closing some doors, a hundred others open widely and opportunity falls into your lap.  with this decision made, several exciting opportunities have popped up and i'm just grateful.  grateful that i listened to myself, grateful that i took the time to struggle with that inner voice (not fun!! not fun at all!!), and grateful for the professional (and personal) mentors who continue to inspire and guide me on this journey.

family life is crazybusyexhaustingfun.  all of those things and more.  the house is never clean, the laundry never done, and there is usually banana caked on something in our house.  the kids move FAST...i regret the day i wished ben would walk.  he's EVERYwhere....running, climbing, inside, outside and with a sense of daring that his sister does not possess.  emma has always been careful and cautious.....her brother, on the other hand, believes he has superman powers and that heights or concrete are no match against his baby rolls.  as such, there is no sitting still in our house these days and as much as i have been eyeing new furniture for a long while...i do believe we'll wait until our kids are done dancing on the coffee table and wiping their cracker crumble hands on our couches.  i love these crazy little munchkins so much it slays me.

emma is 3 and definitely the princess of the house.  she is a huge art fan and loves to paint and color.  her favorite movie is tangled and we spend a lot of time singing the songs from that and every other disney movie she has ever watched.  she loves to dance and play outside with her friends, our next door neighbors.  she isn't a big eater but still loves chocolate milk and i've learned to trick her by sneaking spinach, carrots and other healthy things into smoothies that she now begs for.  she is very opinionated and has a strong i always say, something that will serve her well in life....yet something we sometimes struggle with at home ;)  she is the more careful of our kids and sometimes needs encouragement to try new things, open up in a big social situation.....oh but once she does, look out!  mommy is no longer allowed to pick out her clothes as this is something she is quite particular about and i would be lying if i said she's never gone to school in a bathing suit.  she loves make believe, taking care of everyone and i just love this girl to pieces.

benjamin just turned 18 months and you've never met a more loving & snuggly little man in all your life.  he loves to read and in those moments when i realize that the house has suddenly fallen silent, i often find him (and sometimes his sister too) reading in the playroom.  he loves animals and in particular...making animal sounds.  he's super verbal for his age and chatters nonstop.  he loves to be outside and will often stand at the sliding glass door screaming "ow-tide!!!".  he's a boy in every sense of the word....dirt and sand are his best friend and he loves to climb and tumble.  he far more daring than his sister and has the bruises to show for it.  we keep a close eye on him because he has no fear.  despite his adventurous spirit, he continues to be the greatest cuddler their ever was.  i often feel tugs and look down to find him reaching up for me.  he buries his head in my neck and wraps his arms around me....30 seconds and an open mouthed kiss later he's wriggling away and ready to get down and play....he just wanted to snuggle first.  i couldn't love this crazy kid more if i tried.

so there.  updates officially complete.  time to bask in the slow pace of sunday and gulp down some industrial strength coffee :) i hear little hands banging at the office door which is a sign for "mommy get out here, you're missing all the fun!"

happy sunday, friends.  enjoy it.


i've made a habit of creating one of these time stamp photos for each birthday. i never made ben's one year stamp so here is 18 months instead.  

on the meaning of writers block

Thursday, April 11, 2013 | | 0 comments
i have writers block, it's true.  the blog has been barren and i am to blame. guilty as charged.

it's not as if things aren't happening.  they are.  exciting things, random things, everyday things.  life is happening in all it's wonderful hectic glory.  but the words, they definitely are not happening.

i don't have a good reason why.  this often happens to me in times of busy-ness and is usually a sign that i'm not taking enough time for myself, that my brain is overloaded.  if there is one thing i can say about the last year, and especially after this, it's that i've learned to pay more attention to what that feels like.  that state of chronic exhaustion that tends to plague me....with good reason for i have 2 beautiful babies, a wonderful husband, sweet friends, and a career i love to show for it.....has this funny way of rearing it's ugly head at times.  it's hard to put a finger on except for the extreme desire to close my eyes at all times and the increasing daily coffee requirements.  it's a place i've learned to live....but every so often my cup runneth over.

so i do what any real tried and true type a personality would do and i organize. i plan. i whittle my schedule down to the bare essentials. i re-evaluate that to-do list. and i run.  some of my best runs happen during the busy-ness.

one of my close friends said to me, "you always look like you have it all together" as we made plans for a group dinner a few weeks back.  i laughed out loud and assured her that despite a perception that came as a total shock to me....i do NOT have it all together.  i am 30 years old an am still trying to learn to listen to that voice inside that says it's OK to slow down, it's OK to pay attention to yourself even if its just for a few moments a day.  in all honesty, i continue to be really bad at this.  they say the struggle is part of the story, right?  so to my sweet friend (you know who you are!)....i love you and was quite flattered by your kind words....but please do not think i have it all together.

so i'm struggling to slow down, to simplify, to carve out a little more time for me....what's new?  it's beginning to sound like a broken record around this place! eventually though, if i can swing the balance a little back in my favor,...the words will come back to me just like they always do.  thanks for being patient with me.

in the meantime....the pictures will speak for me.

when the house is mysteriously quiet, i often find them doing this. together. and it melts me everytime.

some shots from an easter gathering. my kids like candy yet we are trying to teach them that these holidays are about more than chocolate. a work in progress....

its finally starting to look and feel like spring around here. ben stands pounding on the door as he screams "OW-TIDE!" ~ and with that, you will often find us outside these days.  

and via instagram (follow me @martinamurphy). name is martina and i am an instagram-holic. 

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