on the best kind of friendship

Thursday, September 4, 2014 | | 0 comments
disclaimer: i've been a really crappy blogger lately.  sorry about that.  i hope you still love me anyway.

i remember an early fall day in gainesville, about 4 babies ago i think it was. we were sprawled on my back porch in bathing suits….swallowing in the last few hours of a real Florida summer, juxtaposed delicately with moments of cool shade as fall began to creep in.  i remember that talk like it was yesterday. it was a talk about life, about all the mundane details of everyday and bigger picture topics that filled our minds and hearts at the time.   i remember that in the same breath we talked about school, the future, deep loves, the Twilight series (true story!), and then….that maybe someday soon, i might be a mom.   a few months later Ryan and I were pregnant with Emma Claire.

fast forward 5, now almost 6 years, and we are both moms.  both moms to two precious little beings!  emma and benjamin and vivien and leif…may you someday understand how much we both pined for you all.  and wives, too.  to pretty amazing men that, i’m completely certain, we were meant to join on life’s journey. and still lovers of life.   always lovers of life and i promise, my sweet friend….i will always be here for you to bounce adventures and crazy ideas off of.

i love her visits, although few and far between (thanks to that massive stretch of ocean between us).  dinner at The Top, a few Swampheads and a slice of vegan chocolate cake later….its official.  although there was never a question in my mind, though she lives thousands of miles away (seriously, Germany, you have NO friggin idea how lucky you are), things are exactly the same.  so totally different but so totally the same.  and I find such a sense of peace and freedom in that.

Margaret, my dear.  from high school spring break shenanigans (so many of them!) to soul searching talks to managing toddler meltdowns together…..I love you so.

herein lies the confession: i have always been one of few but very dear friends.  for better or for worse, i am one who has a handful of people I hold very close to my heart.  call it a flaw or call it a blessing...some days i think it's a bit of both.  i'm not shy but i am an introvert at heart (no, really!).  i have a painfully hard time with small talk, it's true....i should probably lighten up but it really just makes me want to put my hands on my hips and pout obnoxiously (exaggerated frowny face, stomping feet and hmmmph and all!)  :)  i’m awkward and fumbling in that way and after 32 years, i accept and maybe start to love that part of myself (maybe).  it’s proven hard for me at times and it’s something i sometimes struggle with. ~ how much easier it would be to easily go to a dinner party where i don't know anyone and have simply silly conversation about nothing?? (why it's easier for me to be vulnerable yet gives me high anxiety to tread on the surface, i may never know. that's another post altogether!) but oh how i love the ones i can have real talks with. for what my quirks have cost me, they have afforded me some really amazing people in my life.  people who i want to invest in and people who invest in me.  people i can laugh with, people i can call on in really hard times, people with whom i can be honest even in life’s toughest moments, people who care about me and my family and my time. it's the kind of friendship i'll always have room for. and it's the kind of friendship that even thousands of miles can’t separate.

thank you, sweet Margaret, for being that kind of friend.  the world, my world, needs more of you.

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