beautiful filler

Monday, March 11, 2013 | | 0 comments
those moments of soft light and in between.  the ones that feel loose and are without particular purpose. the ones that, if you aren't careful to pay attention, will quickly pass you by.  i call them filler moments and they are the moments i live for.

this weekend was all about {beautiful, magical} filler moments.  moments where we just existed with one another.  moments of snuggling and laughter and catching up with old friends.  they may have been without particular purpose but i think they are what life is all about.  we could all use more weekends, more moments, like this.

they fill the empty spaces & they fill our hearts.

happy monday, friends.

the story of princess murphy : 13.1 and done

Sunday, March 3, 2013 | | 0 comments
six months ago i hit "register" on the runDisney Princess Half Marathon website and set my sights on training for and finishing my first half marathon.  notice that my goal was "finishing"....not "running really fast" or "blowing everyone out of the water".  just finishing.  i didn't care if i ran, walked, or crawled....i just wanted to cross the finish line on my own accord, certainly not at the hands of the bus that scoops up stragglers at the end not making pace. (for the record, i never even saw said bus....a good sign!).  i don't have a good explanation for why doing this was important to me other than to say that i wanted to set a goal for myself and meet it....and i wanted to have fun doing it.  i remember hitting that button only half believing that i could actually meet this goal and make it happen.

little did i know 6 months ago that running, something that i had previously really not enjoyed or been good at AT ALL.... would become this thing i turn to on good days and get fresh air, to clear my head, to lift my spirits, to get a great efficient's my go to and way cheaper than therapy.  it's the only time that it's quiet in my wonderful crazy little life....filled with baby squeals and a busy work schedule. and despite the fact that especially in the few weeks leading up to the half, my training was less than optimal (oops!)....running has become something that i cannot live without.

race day started early.  2:30 early.  earlier than i've been up since ben was a newborn and it was the first of many hurts that day! despite my bleary eyed exhaustion, i jumped out of bed and fumbled in the dark.  ryan and the kid were asleep in the hotel room (full post on their first disney adventure to come) and i didn't want to wake anyone.  i washed my face, brushed my teeth, and donned my outfit......a lime green TUTU and a black tank top adorned with "powered by pixie dust" on the front, and oh so appropriate "princess murphy" on the back.  sock, shoes, and one small tiara later....i was ready to go.  with racing bib and headphones in hand, i left our room at 3am.

a tumultuous bus ride later (our bus driver had clearly never driven the route to the race before and landed us smack in the middle of horrible race day traffic) and a brief meet up with friends....i trekked in the dark with 20,000+ other princesses to our racing corrals.  we were situated near the back but weaved our way in and out of princess traffic to get to the forwardmost portion of our corral.  Cliche as it is to could feel the energy in that place, that crowded huddle of princesses....many of them just like me having never run 13.1 miles ever before.

the firework start shot off at 5:30 but with our corral location, it wasn't my turn to start running until nearly an hour later.  the adrenaline and excitement, coupled with the encouragement of fellow runners got me through the first 9 miles without any major issues.  i spent a huge portion of that 9 miles weaving in and out of walkers on the road....never really finding a portion of open road to just run straight on.  i paid for this come mile 10 when my hips really started to ache.  as overly dramatic as it sounds, the feeling reminded me of childbirth....specifically those final moments as each beautiful baby descended into my pelvis forcing the bones to spread in preparation for their entry into the world.  {i warned you it was dramatic!} the only walking i did the entire time was through the water station at mile 10....and for some reason the pain was so much worse with walking so i just kept running.

the last 3 miles of that race were filled with lots of conversation. with myself and in my head.  the arguments against the voice that told me i couldn't finish, that the pain was too much and that i should just give up.  the decision to chant to myself, "you can do this. you WILL do this" as i ran up a long winding hill right at the end.  the smiles at strategically placed signs along the roadway plastered with motivational sayings...they seemed to pop up just at the right time.  the anger i i there yet? why am i not there yet?.  and honestly, the moment i remember most.....the thumping of my heart, goosebumps, and huge alligator tears that followed as i crossed mile marker 12 with the realization that....i am going to do this. i really am.

i crossed the finish line in 2 hours and 40 minutes.  nothing impressive although i am convinced that had i actually been able to run in a straight line rather than dodging for 10 miles, it would have happened faster.  but it doesn't matter in the slightest.  i finished the race and avoided that courtesy bus i was so terrified of.  i finished the race, landing into the congratulatory arms of my family.....and if it's possible to hug yourself, i did that too :) i was proud.  and as crazy as it sounds, i was online the next day looking for another half marathon to run.

so....i can officially cross "run a half marathon" off of my bucket list.  something about this experience has reminded me that i am capable of more than i give myself credit for. we all are.  and as much as i wish i could take credit for this sentiment....

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