time for a time out :: my seizure story

last friday was a game changer for me.  the day started like any other....up early and into the hustle and bustle of our daily life. getting the kids ready for school. pouring mugs of coffee. putting the finishing touches on my makeup in the work parking lot. busy but loving it!  i had been on wards for the two weeks previous and had been working with a really great team.  something about that day was different, though.  throughout the day....i had several incredibly intense deja vu type experiences.  quite bizzare because while i've had them before, multiple deja vu experiences in one day is certainly not typical for me.  and they were powerful....each one made me sit down and take a few deep breaths.  at one point, our case manager even took off to go get me some water because he could see that i wasn't feeling quite right.  the days work came to an end and i headed home.  the evening routine was filled with giggles and cuddles and its usual fodder.  i woke around 4 to feed ben, a little earlier than usual....but he snarfed his bottle down and went easily back to sleep.  as i climbed back into my own bed and snuggled up to ryan....i was hit, once again, by what i can only describe as a deja vu so intense i had to catch my breath for a second.  and that was it.

the next 48 hours exist in fragments in my mind and i keep making my loved one tell the stories over and over.  i remember the ambulance and the paramedics standing over me in my bedroom. i remember being annoyed that they were making me get out of my warm bed. i remember ryan saying "babe, you had a seizure" and replying in near disgust "no i didn't!".  i remember the paramedics asking me silly questions...."what year is it?", "what city is this"....and digging deep but truly not being able to come up with an answer.  i remember arriving in the ER to the surprised faces of many of my coworkers and friends. this time, it was one of them that was rolling into the bay on a stretcher and it was a little unsettling for us all.  everyone was amazing to me. truly amazing.  one of UF's leading epileptologists (seizure docs) was boarding a plane that morning for an out of town conference but she came to see me in the ER first.  doctor friends, not wanting to pry but seeing my name on the ER board, sent texts of support and well wishes.  my friends rallied and i just felt loved.  i don't remember too much thanks to the sedating meds they gave me....but i remember feeling safe and loved.  i had another grand mal seizure in the emergency department thanks to a provocative maneuver the physicians had me do.....believe it or not on purpose. it was recorded on video but also on EEG (basically an electrical recording of my brainwaves) so this is helpful in determining why this is all happening.  i had a CT and MRI of my brain....and thankfully there is nothing wrong up there (insert bad joke here!).  they also sampled the fluid from around my spinal column to look for signs of infection and there was none. i spent the night in the combined neurology/neurosurgery ICU.

we still aren't entirely sure the cause of all of this.  as of right now, the doctors are saying "sleep deprivation" although i find this really hard to believe since i'm no more sleep deprived than i've been for the past 3 years. i've been home for the past few days waking up from the post seizure fog and adjusting to the medication i now have to take.  i can't drive for 6 months and i'm still washing the paste from the EEG leads out of my hair.  but i'm surrounded by love and support and a million reasons why i'm the the luckiest girl around.  i'll see my neurologist in clinic tomorrow to rattle through the laundry list of questions i have....can i exercise? do i have to take meds forever? do i have epilepsy? etc...

thanks for all your well wishes and support during this "interesting" time. i promise to keep you all posted.

after the EEG leads all came out....lookin good!

multitasking! ;)