a match made in heaven!

Thursday, June 16, 2011 |
i'm so excited to announce that i was accepted to the UF Hematology/Oncology Fellowship Program!  i'll start in July 2012 and could not be happier!


i just landed my dream job. the one i've been working my whole life for.  and i could not be more excited about this professional development.....so excited, that despite the fact i feel supremely uncomfortable devoting a whole blog post to talking about myself and my career, i have to do it anyway.  just like the quote above says....
my decision to go to medical school was, oddly enough, borne out of a class i took in college called "spirituality in health".  we talked about the history of the practice of medicine and healing across many cultures and belief systems....and learned about the different ways in which people define and value the true meaning of health.  i knew after this class that a life spent in the pursuit of healing others, in whatever form, was for me.

i began medical school unsure of just what my future would hold.  i ultimately obtained my undergraduate degree in neurobiology, and as a part of that process had spent hours behind a lab bench engaged in biologically based research {i.e. nerd stuff!}.  after college i took a year off to move to D.C. and do more research at the National Institutes of Health. through that experience, i was given the unforgettable experience to see that research in action.  i worked in a rheumatology lab focused on understanding the pathogenesis of pompe’s disease, a rare but devastating disorder effecting mostly young children as those effected rarely live very long. i spent hours peering through a microscope that year. it was true “bench to bedside” - my mentor’s clinic literally doors away from the lab - and was the first time i had gotten to see the way in which the labwork i was doing actually affected the lives of patients. 

the disease became more than just a process, it had names, it had faces, it had a life filled with experiences and loved ones.   up until this point, while i truly love science {i'm a nerd like that}, something had been lacking.  i couldn’t verbalize it at the time or put my finger on exactly what was missing yet i could feel it nonetheless. but, with this new bench to bedside experience, i felt myself, for the first time, feeling passionate about the work i was doing and for the people whose lives i knew it mattered. 

i have always been attracted to the duality of both hard science and humanism that medicine embodies.  ever since that first day of "spirituality and health" i realized that these two very different sides interconnected in a very important way. i find this duality best practiced and expressed in medical specialties wherein what happens at the bedside is rooted in what happens at the bench but is made more real and more meaningful by the invaluable physician-patient relationship.  The opportunity to experience this first hand at the NIH opened my eyes to the reality that I can have both, I can be both.   

my first exposure to Hematology/Oncology came as a 3rd year medical student and at the time, despite my solid research background, i was more taken by the opportunity to be involved in very real and very difficult conversations with patients and their families.  to be welcomed into patients lives during a very sacred time ~ the diagnosis and treatment of a potentially terminal illness ~ is beautiful and spiritual to me in a way i may never be able to describe. i learned for the first time that healing does not always equate to cure, but that it is present even in those moments {and sometimes even more}.

as a senior medical student and especially as a senior resident, the realization that the crux of the ability to partake in these moments lies in the vast amount of basic science and clinical research being performed opened my eyes to the fact that the field truly embodies that duality that I strive for


so residency began and i had every intention of pursuing this career in accordance with what i felt deep in my gut. some refer to it as a calling. i say "i just knew".

and then emma was born and my life and heart suddenly expanded in a way i could never have never imagined. i became more than the person i knew before and it called into question whether or not i could truly be the wife, mother, friend, AND doctor i had always dreamed of being. my family and my marriage, both things i have fought very hard for, are my proudest accomplishments and the ones to which i will always put the most energy.  i hadn't prepared, because there is no way to do so, for how becoming a mother would change me.

so i put this career dream on the back burner and tried to convince myself that i didn't need it. i even tried to get out of my rotation on the heme/onc service this year...looking back, in a desperate attempt to avoid the reminder of how much i love it.  but, as "luck" would have it....i didn't get out of it. and all that i was "afraid of" happened. i was reminded. and i was graced with the presence of a young female attending who grabbed my by the shoulders and said, in no uncertain terms, "what the heck are you doing???".  she's young and beautiful, with two gorgeous young children, a happy marriage, fun hobbies {merrygourmet.com}......and she is AWESOME at what she does for a living.  her words and wisdom were just the inspiration i needed at just the right time.  a little divine intervention, if you will.   several other things fell miraculously into place and in two weeks time, i crammed together my application and submitted within just a few days of the deadline.  nothing has ever felt so crazy.....and right at the same time....in my whole life.

opening my acceptance yesterday, i was flooded with a state of excited shock....and a state of calm.  everything i've worked for professionally for the past 20+ years culminates in this accomplishment. and it's not just about accomplishing a goal. it's about working hard for so long and being rewarded with the knowledge that you are going to get to do what you LOVE.  all i've ever wanted for myself career wise it to find something where i can make a positive difference in others people's lives while simultaneously loving my job.  and now.....i'm going to be an oncologist. i'm going to have my dream job.  nearly 3 years of marriage to my best friend, a beautiful baby girl and a healthy little man on the way (all of whom i'm going to be seeing A LOT more of now!!), and now this.

i don't think its possible to "have it all"....but i feel pretty darn close today ;) can you say PINCH ME???

and before i quit rambling. i have to say that i couldn't have done ANY of this {babies included ;) } without my wonderful ryan. he's the most supportive and unbelievable husband and friend that i could have ever asked for.  i love you, honey :) thank you for always standing by me, encouraging me, loving me.....we did it!



and thanks to my match day celebration team. i'm pretty sure i woke up with a food hangover this morning. but it was soooooo worth it. yum!


and as for you, little lady, MOMMY LOVES YOU!!!! :)


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