the day the holiday stress came full circle

i have let the stress of the past week get the better of me.  i had a work week far busier than expected (and with the holiday i expected it to be really busy!) ~ full of very sick patients, difficult family conversations, and tons of paperwork to catch up on.  i'm working my butt off on a 90 minute educational talk that i'm delivering to my fellowship group a few short weeks from now ~ it's a difficult topic to cover and i really want it to go well.   santa is delivering a very large and quite impressive outdoor play structure....and the last few days have consisted of attempting to keep it secret while the grandpas have constructed this thing.  there are tarps covering our windows and i have NO idea how the kids aren't getting curious.  emma's birthday is coming up (the big 3!) and i'm hosting a baby shower the following week.

all of this has been bubbling under the surface for a while and i have physically felt the stress growing inside.

yesterday, sweet benjamin woke up with a swollen and red eye.  he seemed happy and cheerful ~ just like his usual self.  regardless, it worried us.  when he woke up from his mid morning nap, the redness and swelling had spread and was covering the entire right side of his face.  i was terrified and straight to the ER we went.  lots of poking, prodding, and dietary review later....the doctors think he likely had an allergic reaction to something.  what, i'm not sure....but we've been pumping benadryl into this kid like its going out of style.  i took him back in this morning after his sweet pediatrician (who i LOVE!) felt like she needed to see it too to make sure it wasn't a developing infection that could be quite serious.

it's just felt like one thing after the other.  when ben got sick yesterday....my cup just runneth over.  i've done it before and i'm sure i'll do it again.....the long therapeutic cry in the shower.  i'm not even sure what in particular i was crying about.....but it felt good to release all that pent up stress.

i'm not one of those people who has unrealistic ideas about creating a perfect picturesque holiday.  my needs are simple really.  family. friends. hugs. snuggles. if i'm lucky, a yummy meal (bacon wrapped, stuffed beef tenderloin?? a bauer family tradition).  and now, with that therapeutic cry out of the way....it's time to bask in the true beauty of the season, just in the nick of time.

so tonight, we'll don our new christmas pjs and drink hot chocolate in front of the fire.  we'll talk about gratitude and read the night before christmas.  we'll also talk about how much we love each other and how the thing we are most grateful for in this life is one another.  we'll say goodbye to mr. juke as he flies back to the north pole and ryan and i will say goodbye to mornings spent jumping frantically out of bed to hide him last minute ;)  we'll leave cookies for santa and prepare for the (hopefully!) squeals of joy the morning will bring.

merry christmas eve, my friends.  may we all be blessed with simple pleasures tonight, tomorrow, and all year long.