i'm home sick with the flu and while i should be sleeping, resting, taking it easy....i'm too hopped up on over the counter flu medicine to do any of that. so i sit here, aching all over with skin that feels prickly ~ too warm to be covered in blankets yet stinging cold at the same time. pity the fool. the fool who thought the flu shot would actually work for me this time. thank goodness for sport beans because i'm pretty sure they are helping me feel better even if i can't train right now.
i returned home from a 4 day work conference in atlanta on monday (American Society of Hematology aka ASH). despite my single room with a huge king bed and cloud-like down comforter, i still came back exhausted. but i learned, and bonded, and ate some wonderfully delicious food. one night in particular, a co-fellow and i were treated to a spectacular meal at woodfire grill (for any Top Chef fans...Kevin Gillespie's restaurant. in a word...amazing). it was dubbed the "women of hematology" dinner and we sat at a table with 5 women in particular who are doing great things with their lives. they are hematologists, oncologists, mothers, wives, and friends. they've been where we are and are paving the road ahead. a couple of them in particular are mentors to me and while i'm sure they tease me if they read this....they are the ones i look to in moments of uncertainty, the ones who inspire me, the ones i want to be like "when i grow up". if you are reading this....you know who you are :)
the conference was attending by a massive amount of people and some of them are very highly regarded in their field. from basic science researches to leaders of major clinical trials. from industry executives, private practice physicians, and practitioners from academic medical institutions. from folks with focus in benign hematology to those to perform bone marrow transplants for diseases like leukemia or lymphoma. between educational sessions, scientific research presentations, to career development workshops and beyond....there was a lot of learning to be done! it was a very diverse bunch from all over the world and the nerd in me picked up on the energy, the excitement, and the passion for the field.
ryan played single dad for 4 days while i was gone and assumed all the responsibilities that this entails. from diaper changes to rides to and from school. from the breakfast table to goodnight tuck-ins. a tough job....but one that he has mastered since he's pretty much the best dad ever!! we tried to facetime a few times but for one reason or another the reception was wierd in atlanta and it didn't work well....i bugged him constantly for pictures and missed them all so badly.
the take home message from this trip is simple really and not one that is new to me. i am a very tiny fish in a gigantic sea. but i love what i do and i care deeply for the people i take care of. i love my family even more than all of that and i know going forward from here i will grapple with sneers from colleagues when i leave early to attend a soccer game or a dance recital. but i'll do right by my patients and the people i work with. i'll do right by myself and the family and friends i love dearly. i think any working mom wonders if you can possibly do all of this....even i question it some days. it's hard, a daily challenge, and something i feel like fighting for. deep down inside i truly believe that it's possible. to have your cake and eat it to. to be all the things you want to be in your life. to have your priorities straight. it may not always (or ever) come easily....but nothing worth having ever does, right?
these truths aren't always self-evident and sometimes we all just need a little reminder of the things we knew deep inside. sometimes these reminders come in strange and unexpected ways. thank you, ASH, for being my reminder.
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