week one

with the first week of fellowship officially behind me....and more importantly, the second week hot on it's trails....i feel the need to share the following information.

being a heme/onc fellow is HARD.  physically and emotionally.  one night i even fell asleep in bed with my work clothes on....that's how beat i was.  my residency gave me the medical knowledge to do the very very basics of this job, but nothing prepared me for this.  a structure oriented, chronically overprepared, and organization junkie {when it comes to my work, at least}....i got a crash course in flying by the seat of my pants this week.  i have a feeling there is more of this to come. lord help me.

people are really truly resilient, myself included.

my family has the magical ability to make any day, no matter how catastrophically awful {and i had one of those this first week}, instantaneously better.

having weekends off, something i have not had in years, is one of the best things on earth.  seriously.

coffee is nectar of the gods. as if you didn't already know that.

i really really really love my job.  i'm still learning which way is up, which way is down, and certainly trying to get my bearings.  but i can say, wholeheartedly and unabashedly, that this is totally what i was meant to be doing with my life.  and that, my friends, is a damn good feeling.

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as i sat with benjamin this weekend, his sister napping, i saw great symbolism in watching his earnest attempts at crawling.  he's soooooo desperately close....and sooooo desperately frustrated.  he rocks on those chubby hands and knees....with a single arm outstretched for whatever object he happens to have those big baby blues on.  gravity fails him just at the last moment....his round belly cushioning his fall....and he grunts in aggravation.  this cycle continues over and over....each time he manages to move a big closer to his prize....with a huge grin on his face.

and so too will the next 3 years be with me.  one step {or crawl} at a time.

i think i can.....

benjamin ryan. 8 months old. heartbreaker extraordinaire.