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this one isn't going to be pretty. and that's ok. truthfully, i think i just need to start writing again or else my brain may just not know what else to do.
i've avoided this post for weeks. i've sat down to write only to hit backspace a million times....deterred by the fact that nothing i've had nothing beautiful or eloquent to say. by the fact that i can't make the words sound good or tie my thoughts together in a reasonable fashion. it's frustrating, really.....as its the very thing i couldn't do that probably would have helped in these last weeks.
i've been in a funk and i'm not really sure why. life is good and true and promising....but my head has been in a fog for the last few weeks. the busy-ness of our life....2 very demanding full time DAY jobs, 2 very activeandbustling littles, a loving marriage & foundation to tend to, our SELVES to tend to...and all the other little things in between.....well, its catching up to me lately. its overwhelming and hard and while i know we can do hard things....very hard things....i am just, as my grandmother used to say, plum tired.
i'm 31 and i am tired. join the club right? i saw a quote a few weeks back...."adult life : if you're not tired, you are not doing it right". i laughed when i read it....maybe i'm really not the only one. the only one who crawls out of bed at 4:30 and back in at 10....with all the moments in between a jumble of caring for others (which i love) and gulping coffee (which i also really love). sometimes i remember to eat lunch or dinner. more often than that i get in a tough workout. and despite my exhaustion i never forget to be mindful of this life, the health of my family, and all of our blessings.
but man would it feel good for things to slow down a bit. for the whirlwind of life to just settle for a few moments so i could see through the dust and figure out just what in the hell is going on. there will be time for peace and quiet someday...
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...peace and quiet came. in the form of an adults only trip to California for Ryan and me in honor of our upcoming 5 year wedding anniversary. 5 years married to the most wonderful man. it has been a very busy, hectic, and sometimes stressful 5 years....but 5 years that i wouldn't change for the world. we traveled to San Francisco and then onward to wine country.....Sonoma in particular although we did venture to Napa and some of the surrounding towns. it was a trip full of fun, adventure, beautiful scenery (and of course delicious food and wine)....but perhaps more important than all of that.....a complete and total RECHARGE for us both. {i'll save some photos of the trip for another post. if you follow me on Instagram, you've probably gotten sick of them by now!}
we have both been nose-to-the-ground working nonstop for as long as i can remember. deprived of sleep in a major way and trying hard to balance all the responsibilities in our life. we do go on a weekly date night and, as all couples do, find ways to keep the romance alive despite not having all the time in the world to devote to deep and meaningful conversations.
but the trip changed all that. we got to sleep uninterrupted and as late as we want. we were able to finish each meal without distraction and actually got to talk about anything at all without the commentary of little ones in the foreground. we walked streets hand in hand and remembered what complete and total US time is all about. like i said.....a complete and total RECHARGE. it was glorious.
and the looks on those little faces when we landed back in Gainesville....another reminder that this is what life is all about. their faces were gleaming with complete and total joy....i have never seen smiles so big. emma ran straight towards us screaming "Mommy! Daddy!" followed by hugs and kisses for us both. benjamin, adept at the cool "lean in" hug dove into me, wrapped both his arms tightly around my neck and yelled "Mommy!" right as he planted a big sloppy "no paci kiss" on my mouth.
its really really good to be home. and it was really really nice to get away.
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