bedhead

you know that feeling when you have so much to do, you just buckle and take a nap instead?  well....that's sort of where i'm at right now.  on the blogging front at least.  i have a million and one things to share....photos, stories, thoughts.....that instead, in honor of this dear rainy monday, i'm sharing photos of my sleepy bed head princess instead.

emma wakes quickly in the morning and slowly from naps.  we often have to softly encourage her on the weekends by opening her door, checking on her a few times, and quietly bribing her out of bed. when she finally does get out of bed her hair never fails to impress.  oftentimes the exercise of walking out in to the living room to assess the situation is enough to send her right back into her bed, headfirst, for a few more precious moments of rest.

i can't say that i blame her.  there is nothing like a good solid midday nap. nothing.

luckily for us, we have a new and highly skilled member on our wake up crew...

happy monday.

happy father's day

emma's thoughts on father's day.  i let her answer some super fascinating questions about her dad....got some pretty awesome answers. ben squealed followed by a grunt = approval. happy father's day, my dear.  we love you so.   {bet you didn't even know that your eyes were pink!}

and to you, daddy.  no matter how big i get, i'll always be your little girl.  through thick and thin you're always there.  the only thing better than having you for a dad is having you for emma & ben's grandpa.  i love you with all my heart.

friday reflections :: the best 3 years of my life

"it's friday, friday. i gotta get down on friday!" ~ lyrics to an infamous (i.e. painfully annoying) youtube song that went viral a while back.  words that emma and her classmates sing and dance to boisterously every friday morning....an incredibly hysterical and adorable ritual started by her class teachers a few months back.  even at 2 years old, she understands the inherent love of all things friday.

and on this particular friday, there is much to celebrate.  my departmental end of the year party is tonight.  it happens every year but this year is different for it is my last.  it's kind of like graduation only way less formal and thus way more fun.  there will be food and drinks and party beads.  lots and lots of party beads :)  and there will be the smiling faces of my friends and coworkers.  we've accomplished and been through a lot together in the past 3 years and tonight, we celebrate.

at the end of residency, each resident is called into the program director's office for what they call an "exit interview."  it is 30 minutes of face to face time to reflect on your experience in the program....what went well, what didn't? would you do it all again?

i offered up a few minor tidbits of constructive criticism...little things that i feel could improve the overall residency experience.  it has been hard as hell and most days i wished there was an "easy button".  i've seen the extremes that exist in medicine.  there is a lot of proverbial "gray area" in this profession but so much of what sticks out in my mind is in the observation of the extremes. the sense of satisfaction that exists in successful treatments or cures juxtaposed with the overwhelming sorrow in watching the ravages of end stage illness.  i've learned the therapeutic value of aggressive therapies, knowing when to pull back, and a long hard cry in the shower.  i've seen humanism embodied and simultaneously learned about how i would never want to treat my patients and colleagues.

but i told him, and i quote, "this has been the best 3 years of my life."  personally AND professionally.  that's not to say that it's been easy, that i have it all under control, or that every day doesn't present it's own challenge.  a therapeutic cry in the shower is one i have personal experience with ;) but it has been an amazing 3 years. and this is just the beginning. on both fronts.

so happy friday, my friends.  we're gonna get down this friday!
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a few weeks back, we headed to st. augustine to capture some photos of our growing family.  i had scheduled them with our favorite camera yielding superstar, Jenn Hopkins, months ago.  but after all the reflection post-health scare and the upcoming end of residency....it couldn't have come at a better time.  i thought today's post was the perfect time to share it as this family of mine, this rowdy rambunctious crew, is my greatest accomplishment. in the last 3 years. and ever.

troublemakers.

ready for a laugh? have 5 minutes? ok...pull up a chair.  here goes. warning :: toilet humor ahead.

let's talk about poop. really glamorous, i know. as luck would have it, i'm a mommy and a doctor....so like it or not, much of my life is spent either talking about or actively dealing with the stuff.  last night, we took things to a whole new level...

first, a little backstory. emma, already deep in the throws of potty training, hit a little rebellious wall last week and started refusing to go to the potty.  every "let's go to the big girl potty" was met with an emphatic scream..."NO!".  in an attempt to coax her back in the awesome direction she was going before...we started a potty chart....a bright square of pink cardboard adorned with the title "Emma's Potty Chart".  a treasure bowl on our kitchen counter holds a bevy of colorful sparkly stars.....for each successful trip to the potty, she gets her pick of star to afix to her pink potty chart.  one for pee and two sparkly hearts for....well...you get the idea.

the point is that she is obsessed with this concept and it has gotten us right back on track.

as parents to young kids know....for some reason, the concept of going poop on the potty is scary to some little kids. scarier than going pee at least.  emma will often hide in a corner and do her business and we've struggled with that part of training.  last night....armed with her desire for a glittery blue star....she held her little tummy and told me "mommy i have to go poopy on the potty". i immediately dropped what i was doing and cheered her on as she did her business.....clapping and fawning over her "accomplishment" the whole time.  ben was out in the living room squealing right along with us.....he wasn't sure what he was excited about but he didn't care ;)

after helping emma clean up, which took a while because this child can't get enough of washing her hands, i returned to the living room to find sweet ben on his belly, working hard on those crawling skills.  only, i noticed that his onesie...you know, the WHITE one....was actually brown up the back.  as in all the way up to his neck. i spent the next 20 minutes cleaning up his business....still in awe that so much poo could come out of someone so small and sweet. by the end, all the wipes were gone, that onesie found it's new home in the trashcan {not even WORTH it}, we had gone through 2 new diapers, and it was CLEAR that a bath was in order.

while bathing him in the kitchen sink....the easiest place for me to keep my eyes on them both....emma sat happily the kitchen counter enjoying dinner.  with my hands full of soap suds and chubby baby rolls, i turned my back. suddenly, the kitchen was filled with squeals of "i'm gonna get another star, mommy!"  i turned my head to find emma...who in the whole 60 seconds i had not been paying direct attention to her had climbed ON TOP of the kitchen counter...peeing all over the place. epic fail.

while it took me 5 minutes to tell this story....in reality it was about an hour and a half of constant cleaning of pee and poo.  suddenly overwhelmed after seeing my counter covered in urine....i burst into tears.  it just happened. out of no where!  what a sight we all must have been.

ben continued squealing in delight and splashing all over.  emma looked up at me with concern in her eyes.  she wrapped her arms around my thigh and nestled her head against my hip.

"it's ok, mommy. it's ok."

indeed little one, indeed.

with faces like these....who can get mad??


{jennhopkinsphotography.com}

why hello, thirty!

"how are you doing?" these four simple words popped up in my inbox this week....a sweet inquiry from my neurologist...just checking in on me, seeing how things were going. {love this woman}.

as the sun rises on the first day of my thirtieth year of life....the answer is a blessed one.

i'm doing awesome. truly.

there is a little bittersweetness in this day.  my twenties were jam packed full of so many wonderful days and some of my life's most shaping moments. at 26, i married my best friend ~ a day in which time stands still for me and always will. i've now been with this man for half my life and i thank my lucky stars everyday to be walking life's path with him by my side. i graduated from medical school in june of 2009 and at lunch that day, we surprised our family with the news that we were expecting our first baby.  emma was born in january of 2010 and her little brother benjamin arrived 21 months later in october of 2011.  what a difference three days can make! :)

the medicine residency i started at 27 will come to a close in a few weeks and i will set out on the next part of my professional journey as a hematology/oncology fellow.  i do a little happy dance in my head every time i think about this....i am so excited. and terrified too.

becoming who you are isn't always comfortable.  times of growth comes in times of struggle, hardship, and sometimes just downright doesn't feel all that great. there were many of those moments in the past decade too....and as surprising as it may sound, i'm deeply grateful for them as well.  together, they have all shaped and formed me into the woman i have become. a woman i am proud of.

so today i am 30.  and i am so very happy.  happy in a way that i didn't think was possible when i dreamed of what my life would look like as a sappy, daydreaming teenager.  i'm flawed and imperfect and i embrace fully these parts of myself.  i'm no superwoman as much as i wish i could claim that title.  but....i am a wife, a mother, a friend.....a traveler, a picture-taker, a writer and still a daydreamer. always a daydreamer.

so goodbye twenties....and HELLO thirty.  i think we're really going to like each other.

{just a few highlights.....}

our wedding day. 10.18.08

honeymooners. loving st. lucia!

match day! UF Internal Med here I come!

MD! little did everyone know, there was another big announcement that day :)

pregnant with our first little munchkin!
{jennhopkinsphotography.com}

emma claire. january 11, 2010.

daddy's princess, 3 months old

emma & mommy...1st birthday

another match made in heaven. UF Heme/Onc fellowship!!!

8 months pregnant with our little mister.
{jennhopkinsphotography.com}

and then there were four :) ben arrives on 10.20.11

my little loves :)

mommy's little stud, 6.5 mo

we spent friday night with my dearest of friends and her wonderful husband.  i have officially known elisa for 30 years now and love her like a sister.  my parents invited emma and ben over for a sleepover last night so ryan and i had yesterday evening all to ourselves :)  i initially had grand plans.....but then decided that take in, a bubble bath, and just US time with my hubby was the dream way to spend our little gift of free time.  i'm old.....or wise, you decide.

but you know what. it was PERFECT. we are sipping our coffee with plans for a bday brunch with my family.  i can't think of a more perfect start to my year.