in the midst of warm lights and the sounds of metal as the
bed was broken down, her words broke my trance.
“are you ready to have a baby?”
i had been in labor for 12 hours and it was not at all like
the dramatic scenes i remembered from medical school. it was calm and i was {mostly}
comfortable. i will forever remember and
be grateful for that quiet time with Ryan before life changed. it was sacred ground we traveled together and
i hold them as a few of the most beautiful moments of my life.
the end brought intense pain that was startling and thankfully
not very long lived. Ryan squeezed my
hand and kissed my forehead while i tried to focus on breathing away the pain
from the inside out (easier said than done).
suddenly, the room took on a
quick hum as delivery preparations whirled around me. my doctor peered up from the foot of the bed
and her words caught me by complete surprise.
it sounds foolish but it’s true.
“are you ready to have a baby?” i
looked at Ryan with fear in my eyes. my
heart began to race with the deep realization that we had absolutely no real
good idea about and were completely unprepared for this totally terrifying
world of parenthood we were now moments away from entering. “here we go!” he said with a grin. 5 pushes later, Emma was here. life changed that day, in that moment
actually, in thousands of beautiful ways.
Emma, tomorrow you turn FIVE and if there is anything at all
you should know it is that you are so incredibly and deeply loved. loved to the core and there is truly nothing you could ever do to change this. you are so many things and this is what i
love most about you. there is a very
real part of me that wants to stop you exactly where you are right now, to
press pause. i want to bottle up your
sweet loving heart and ship it around the world because, honestly, we could all
use some of it. the way you nurse every
bump or bruise your brother gets. the
way you wander into my room and kiss my head before climbing in to snuggle
every morning. the way you drag poor
Henry around the house like a doll because you wants to make sure he is ok and
has plenty of love. the way you climb
all over your daddy when he gets home from work. the way you pour you soul and wild
imagination into your art creations and could do this for hours. the stories you tell and with such ease. the
way you remember small little details about a kind of bird or flower I told you
2 weeks ago and the way you teach them them back to me like you’ve known them
all your life. “You know that’s an owl
mommy and they are nocturnal! That means they sleep while I’m awake and play
while I’m asleep which is pretty cool, is it?” (i love how you say “is it”
rather than “isn’t it”). the way you are
so very particular about what you wear and in what combination and your
sentiment that bathing suits should always have a cut out. the way you comment on every single page
“mommy this is really inappropriate” when you see a magazine ad. your deep laugh and the way the sun makes your
hair glow when it hits at just the right angle. i love your sense of humor and the joy you find in the most simple of things. i love your dedication to belting your favorite tunes and your unrivaled commitment to daily dance parties. i love finding you passed out in bed surrounded by books you are
learning to read and dolls whose hair you’ve taken down and redone a hundred
times. your curiousity about the world and the way
things work and the way you can construct a 3 story architectural magnatile
masterpiece in the time it takes me to make a cup of coffee.
you get your sensitivity from me and your stubbornness from
your father. you have his good looks and
sometimes, if the right moment comes, you make facial expressions that make me
feel as if I’m looking in a mirror…a very generous one ;)
but then there is the {slightly} larger part of me, that
burns with excitement to see you continue to open the gifts you were given, to see
what you do with them and how you use them to shape your life. you were born to explore and to have great
new adventures. to discover the world
outside and within yourself. to create
magic and blaze new trails. to inspire
good things. to be exactly who you are
and write your own beautiful and complex story. we are powerfully blessed to be your guides on this first part of your life
journey.
if you remember nothing else, please let it be to always
have faith in the love we have for you and faith in the love in your heart. it is bigger than you could ever imagine. After all,
you sweetly remind me that “God is in my heart, mommy” and it soothes my worried mommy soul every time.
you were born for all of this, sweet girl of ours.
as she falls asleep each night i whisper "if all the little girls in the whole world lined up and i could only pick one to take home with me, do you know who it would be?" no matter how close to sleep she is she whispers back "me. only me!". she's right every time.
as she falls asleep each night i whisper "if all the little girls in the whole world lined up and i could only pick one to take home with me, do you know who it would be?" no matter how close to sleep she is she whispers back "me. only me!". she's right every time.
