rumor has it...

my sweet little lady...

"today was a good day". that's what you said to me as i kissed your head and tucked you in to sleep tonight. indeed it was, little one.  between bagels and yoga and planting your first garden....you're right...it was the perfect kind of day.  

before you turned two, people warned your daddy and i about how fiercely you would try and exert your independence in the coming months. they warned us how simple things would become a struggle and that "no" would be your favorite word.  they warned us that if we tried to put up resistance, it would only make things more difficult. it's hard work become who you are....especially when you are becoming someone as special and beautiful as you.

i didn't understand what they meant until now.  you are strong. you are opinionated. and you think you are ready to take on the world. you are learning that being independent isn't always comfortable. you are brave and mischievous and love to entertain.  you are persistent and sneaky and smart as a whip.  you are beautiful, little one. inside and out.

you can also be difficult and moody and often defy all attempts at logic.  rumor has it, this is just a phase.  but even in your toughest moments, i have to smile because this little blip....this little rough spot...is you becoming YOU!  and i love love love the little person i see.  

i love you, sugarplum. always have, always will.

mommybabe

just a few things...

a whole host of little things i'm loving these days...

...emma is full of hysterical commentary. we call her twitter because she's got her own constant feed going.  i'm starting a little book of funny things she says to pass on some day.  my current favorites :: "santa clause watching me make bad choices" (as she runs out the back door) and "look at this, mommy! emma has a baby, mommy!" (as she stuffs her shirt with ben's bib)

...the way little b stares into your eyes and gently grabs your face while he coos and shares important thoughts.  he is such a little flirt i can't stand it.  i just want to eat him up.  speaking of eating, little mister is chowing down these days (what's new)....favorite food of the week....and apple/carrot/parsnip medley.  he's almost sitting up on his own and is about to cut his first tooth. seriously why is time flying so fast??  

...that honey and i are actually going on a date....a REAL date tonight!  andy bear and janie are watching the kiddos and gonna hit the town. and by hit the town i mean have an early dinner and probably pass out by 10.  but i can't wait to sit on the same side of the booth, hold hands, and talk about stuff other than dirty diapers and feeding schedules.  it's amazing how in all it's beauty and fun, having kids really does test your relationship.  and not in a scary bad way, although it IS tough....but it reminds you how to work together, how to troubleshoot, and how to fall in love all over again.  seriously is it date time yet?

...i ran my first 5k with janie last weekend and even though i had an anaphylactic reaction to all the circulating pollen afterward, it was awesome.  training for that half has gone slow this week thanks to work....but i can't wait to get out there this weekend.

...that emma's little tummy is getting better! she came home from school with the craziest rash the other day.  seems like she had an allergic reaction to something. thanks to benadryl and topical steroids it's getting much better. and thankfully it's not bothering her.  

...that i've finally learned that studying in bed is impossible.  ryan was nice enough to catch me in hardcore sleep-study action. thanks honey. its the doctor mommy syndrome... ;)

...that it's FRIDAY! 

a quick pit stop

just a quick pit stop on the way to some studying (for my internal medicine boards in august).  i have so many funny little stories to tell about the craziness going on at our house these days....toddlers really DO say the funniest things ;)  but....since i REALLY have to get some studying in tonight and can really only afford just a smidge of procrastination (dangit!) i figured i'd at least pop in and say hello.  both kiddos are sleeping soundly in their beds...ryan is working on some continuing education for his LEED certification and i'm....well...i'm perched dangerously in bed with my computer on my lap.  things aren't looking good so far as studying is concerned. ah well.

these pictures were taken in my hell month, february.  this was actually the morning as i was leaving for my last overnight 30 hour shift in the ICU....EVER.  a joyous occasion indeed.

it's really a shame neither of my kids look like their dad.  {and by that i mean, i swear i actually am their mom....jeez! they are both mirror images of ryan!}.  and it's funny to me that these are probably the ONLY pictures i have of ben not smiling.  he's not really a morning person and would prefer to sleep in....FINE by me ;)  emma's gotten pretty fond of having her pictures taken these days....dare i say i have created a sassy little monster? at her school photos the other day, she was practically yelling at the poor photographer "take my picture more!"

dear lord help us all.

full and happy

well, february, you officially kicked me in the behind.  what a rough 4 weeks you threw my way.  our entire family rallied to get us through this last one and i am so very very happy to have it done.  it's so hard to believe that this journey is almost done....these three years of training are almost behind me. behind us.  gone forever are 30+ hour shifts that leave me so tired i can't see straight.  soon i'll say goodbye to weekends worked and missed moments.  i can't possibly explain what all of this means to me and to my little family.

i'm filled with such appreciation for all of life's little mundane moments. now even more than ever.  i never thought i'd want to change a poopy diaper so badly or clean up emma's room for the 15th time in a day.  laundry. dishes. whatever. it just feels so good to get back to my REAL life.

i'm taking it slow tomorrow morning.  breakfast with my hubby and kiddos. followed by a daycare dropoff ~ i'm sure the girls at school think i don't even exist anymore. were it not for midday visits, they might think i had disappeared!  then it's time to start training. for what, you say? crazy me decided that i want to run a half marathon.  this coming from someone who is notoriously BAD at running.  i want to prove to my 30 year old self that i can do it.  so i've been researching training plans and have my eyes set on a Disney Half Marathon in November.  i'm trying to coerce my girlfriends into joining me so we can all suffer (and triumph!) together.   i'm excited. maybe its just my way of breaking free of the past month of my life....so confining and claustrophobic.  whatever the case may be....i couldn't be more thrilled or feel more free than i do right now.

some everyday moments :: 

that little chin. gets me everytime.

steel blue.

button nose.

clearly she's obsessed.

love the way his little toes collect lint. 

bad lighting. awesome self portrait :)

"i read to baby ben!". you can't tell from this angle but she grabbed his hand and is holding it as she reads. mommy heart melting.

and with that....i leave you to go snuggle with my hubby and relish the fact that the crazy days are over. he surprised me with a delicious healthy dinner tonight and my belly is very full and very happy. just like my heart.

xo, m

thirty love

my wonderful husband turned 30 years old today. it's pretty hard for be to believe especially when i think about the fact that this means that it was FIFTEEN years ago that we met....two high schoolers in the back of 10th grade algebra.  at that time, i remember thinking 30 was old....ha! what was i thinking?

in reality, 30 is pretty awesome. we spent the day out in the country with friends and family and toasted the birthday boy.  emma ran free and wild with the animals and old friends caught up with good stories and great laughs. there was time for the boys to shoot their boy toys (guns!) and (far far away) kite flying time for emma! the weather held up and except for a brisk wind, it was a pretty perfect day.  as night fell it was time for standard cookout fare and a bonfire.  i didn't once catch ryan without a huge grin on his face.....and that's what the whole day was about.

happy birthday, my love. you are the foundation of our family and the love of my life. thank you for all the ways in which you bring happy to those around you :)

XOXO,

M

ben spent most of the chilly day bundled up in blankets and being snuggled so i didn't get too many ones of him yesterday.  in lieu of that....here are some from this evening.  we were in the heart of a deep and meaningful conversation (as usual!) and he was just begging to have his photo taken. OH-KAAAAAY, if i haaaaave to ;)

playing catch up...

i've put in so many hours at work lately that i'm totally discombobulated (spell check??).  all year i've had my eye on february as a killer. and sure enough it's been one heck of a rough few weeks.  i worked 72 hours each of the last 2 weeks and then topped it off with a 30 hour overnight ICU call.  so, needless to say it is GLORIOUS to have a day off!  it's been hard on all of us....ryan, the kids, and me....and i'm so looking forward to the end of the month where my schedule will drastically lighten and life will be normal again.

i have a lot of mommy guilt about being away so much these past couple of weeks. the kids are resilient but i know they miss me....especially emma. she is at an age where she is very aware when i'm not around. when i'm home she clings to me and won't let me out of her sight.  it's nice to feel so wanted...but does make my heart hurt that she's missing me so much these days.  ryan has been such a superdad this month....taking on SO much responsibility in my absence.  we're almost done with this nonsense and we couldn't be more excited.

moms of little girls will probably understand the daily wardrobe struggles.  emma is a girly girl when it comes to her clothes.  she wants to pick things out these days and is pretty adamant about the choices the makes.  if she doesn't want to wear something it's going to take an act of God to make it happen.  i've developed some tricks to get her dressed more quickly but overall she is in charge when it comes to her daily outfits ;)  

last night, this is what she picked out.  leg warmers on her arms, striped leggings, and her princess nighty courtesy of glammy. pretty fashion forward i know. she really knows how to mix prints well. i wish i could say the same for myself ;)  rachel zoe, look out.

she insists on having her toes painted at all times.  when the paint wears off it's "mommy paint emma's toes please!".  love it!!

mister b turned 4 months old yesterday. there are no words for this magic little man.  he's the most smiley bubbly talkative little chubster i've ever laid my eyes on.  he melts me and makes my heart flutter.  he's still a big eater and we've started with a few solids already.  he still has no idea what is goig on when the spoon hits his mouth but is having fun trying to figure it out.  he's getting close to rolling over and is, on most occasions, sleeping through the night.  he sleeps with his arms out and is learning to soothe himself if he wakes in the night.  he drools like crazy these days and i can feel two little toothbuds about to pop out already! he continues to squeal and talk and smile like crazy....the girls at daycare call him "the flirt".  i just love him so much and am so thankful every day for the joy he has brought to our family.  emma adores him and not a day goes by where she doesn't ask to hold him or shower him with kisses.

emma is still a little firecracker.  she is constantly saying the funniest things.  our latest favorite is when she does something naughty....like steal her brothers pacifier for exampe....she says "emma making bad choices!".  to be fair, when she does something she is particularly proud of she's say "emma making good choices!" but we hear way more of the former than the latter. it's hysterical.  she likes to boss everyone around...."mommy sit down on emma's bed and read book!", "daddy put emma's hair in pony!....and my new favorite...."baby ben crawl now!".  HA!  i think the fact that she is so good with expressing what she wants and doesn't want saves us a lot in the way of tantrums.  but, as the photos above show...we still get a few of those too.

 ben loves his bouncer and we even gave him a shot in the walker the other day! he loved pushing himself backwards.  when you hold him on your lap he often tries to stand up....he likes being upright that's for sure! he studies emma like a hawk and i can tell he is itching to move!!

i have a grand day planned.  cleaning and laundry and exercise....honestly sounds pretty glamorous after the crazy work schedule i've had!  i'm getting a facial too so that is pretty fancy :)  ryan is taking off for orlando to take a portion of his general contractors license test so i'm gonna wrangle the munchkins tonight on my own.  say your prayers for both of us!! :)

the mondays

in the spirit of monday morning, i'm taking a hint from one of my favorite blogs {the daybook} and playing a little game i like to call "Awkward & Awesome". here we go.


Awkward:
~ that moment in the public bathroom when you are alone with another person. and that person won't stop humming even while on the toilet. you are wierd and you're tone deaf too.
~ emma's perfectly timed "mommy's getting naked!" as i'm getting in the shower....while ryan is on the phone. lord have mercy.
~ finding rogue crackers in your bed. thank you, bean, that is JUST what i wanted for breakfast.
~ my horrible tendency towards drying laundry again and again because i'm too lazy to just fold it already. baaad habit. must break.
~ trying to sneak a bite you know is really way too big....only to make eye contact with some random passer-by who then smirks. yea yea. mommy's hungry...so what?!

Awesome:
~ answering bean's request for "cuddle mommy in emma's bed". the two of us fit quite perfectly together in there covered by no less than 6 of her favorite pink fleece blankets, 2 pillows, and 3 stuffed animals. that girl....gets me every time :)
~ how awesomely hubby steps up and tends to the kids, me, our house, everything when i'm working crazy 12 hour days. aaaand cooks me dinner without me asking. how did i get so lucky?
~ setting goals on my saturday morning run and actually getting there....burning and breathless...but getting there all the same
~ the way dude smiles so hard when i kiss his cheeks. seriously little man, stop flirting so hard. no actually please don't.
~ zipping up my skinniest pre-prego jeans i swore on my life i'd never get into again. there may or may not be a mini muffin top action going on but it doesn't even matter....they're zipped!
~ the way ben looks at emma. and the way emma is so desperately in love with him. melt my mommy heart.

Happy Monday! May it be minimally awkward and totally awesome!!